Been away for a while, but I'm back now with some 'whatevs' macros I made:
Also, I got bored last Friday afternoon so I wrote Hamlet in lolsp33k. Shout if you want me to mail you a copy for 5 minutes' diversion.
Seen wun. (Seen wun? It damn near bit meeh!)
Hamrit: = ( I has a sad. Bai dad, yu am ded naow. Mommy has teh buttsecks with yer bro.
Daddy Hamrit: Boo! Did I skeered you?!
Hamrit: ZOMG! An ghost!
Daddy Hamrit: Yaz. Iz meeh. Blargh, I R ded. It mah bro. I say ‘Don’t taze me bro’ but him pore the poisins in mah earz.
Hamrit: WTF? Yr EARZ??
Daddy Hamrit: Yaz. He has a neebil. Yu gotsta f*** him up real bad.
Hamrit: But Y him pore it in yor earz?
Daddy Hamrit: I doan no, is not importants. You gotsta promises yu will laxxor him.
Hamrit: Wot, in his earz?
Daddy Hamrit: FFS, will yu STFU about the earzes? Stopid n00b
Hamrit: K, I sorry. I go now kthxbai.
Daddy Hamrit: Kbai. [BRB]
Enter sum peeps.
Hamrit: I’s gonna pretend to be mad for a bit, k?
Peeps: Ya, wotevs, dude.
Hamrit: Win. BTW, you eva heard of poring poisin in a dude’s earzes?
Peeprs: WTF? Him earz? Dat stopid!
Hamrit: Ya dats wot I fink. Kbai. [BRB]
Seen Too (Yah, I seed it too)
Clawdius: O hai peeps. Bein king is full of win and cheezits.
Peeps: O rly?
Clawdius: Ya rly.
Hamrit: (sotto voce) stopidkingporedpoisininhimEARZfreakyfrea
Clawdius: Sup, foo? It been five mins since yor dad been ded, y yu not cerebrate mi weddings with yo mama?
Gertrood: Ya, Hamrit, has a gushy fud and cheers up.
Homrit: What EVs.
Clawdius: Dat good enuff for meeh. C’mon Gertrood, let’s make a sexy taims
[Gertrood & Clawdius BRB]
Hamrit: (sotto voce) Him still smell of pewpies imo.
Seen free (OMG, who set dem free??)
Awfulia: I <3 Hamrit +++
Layertees: Dat am bad idear. Kbai [BRB]
Polo-knees: Ya, dat bad idear. From naow on, iz Invisible Hamrit 4U. Kbai [BRB]
Polo-knees: Tum ti tum.
Awfulia: Zomg, I seen Hamrit and him gone RaNdOm.
Polo-knees: Ofuk. Prolly coz I tole yu nevah to see hims! Zomg I feel so gilty! Ah has sended the prince mentally AFK! O teh gilt, teh tellible gilt! O well tum tit um. I’s gonna tell Clawdius.
Clawdius: O hai lolflends
Rosencraps & Gildenstone : O hai yr kingity
Clawdius: Hamrit am clazy. Watch hims!
Polo-knees: Das coz him want to make sexytaims with Awfulia
Gertrood: Ya. + I has teh buttsecks with him uncle. O, an him dad am ded, I fink.
All: O rly?
Gertrood: Ya rly.
Rosencraps: BTW, the actorx are coming.
Hamrit (lissening in or sumfing, I dunno): Ooh actorx! I makes dem pletend pore poisin in a man’s earz and den....ROFLE! OMG *wipes eyes*. Pore it in earz. Dat still Worst. Idea. Ever. Heeeeee. Anyways, I do dat and den Clawdius will poop the baskit when him see it coz him will no him been finded out. ZOMG I are SO win.
Awfulia: Sup Hamrit. Wanna make a sexy taims?
Hamrit: GTFO me ho
Awfulia: O dat’s it, he really are crazy bonkers.
Meanwhile, watching and waiting:
Polo-knees: See, him must be crazy – him not wanna make bang-bang non-stop all-night sexytaims
Clawdius: (thinks) FAIL. He prolly crazy coz I pored poisins in him dad’s earz. I so preased I came up with idea of poring poisin in him earz. I rikes to be originalz. Dis am a gud idear, and not a stopid one AT ALL.
Clawdius: (outloud voice) Send him to Engrand. Nobody notice him being crazy bonkers ovar thar.
Polo-knees: I gots nother one idear, Mrs King. U talk to Hamrit, and Ah will haid and we’ll see what him say.
Clawdius: Y u got to haid? Wot it got to do with u?
Polo-knees: Um. I dunno. The staig manager said I had to be thar, is all I no.
Clawdius: O ok. Dat seem rike an stopid and essentiamally pointress fing to du, but if it centril to the prot, okays.
Hamrit: O hai Horatio
Hamrit: Ha ha ha. I has pran. Watch Clawdius at the part of the play when the actorx pore poisin in the pletend king’s earz
Horatio: WTF? Y would dey pore poisin in his EARZ?
Hamrit: Dats what I sed.
[Enter ++ peeps, including Clawdius and Gertrood and the actorx]
Actor1: Zed zed zed
Actor2: Aha, the king am asreep. I noes, I will pore sum poisin in his….wtf? Dis script say I pore poisin in him EARZ?!
[Off]: Dat’s rite, aparentry. In the earz.
Actor 2: Oooo…..kay. Whatevs. [pores poisin in earz]
Clawdius: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH
Clawdius: O…er…nuffing. [BRB]
Horatio: ZOMG Hamrit, yu waz RITE!
All: DUN DUN DERRR!
Hamrit: We GOTs to get a bigga SFX budgit for Midsummer Nite’s Dreem, dis am ridic…ruduc…ridocul…stopid.
Rosencrapz: O hai Hamrit. Yr mama wants 2 see yu.
Hamrit. Kthxbai [BRB]
Clawdius: Bah. Rumbled. Are yu there ceiling cat? Is meeh, Moggyrat
Ceiling cat: Ya rly, I watch ovah the interwebs.
Clawdius: O praised be to thee, ceiling cat, wot watch ovah the interwebs and did not invent stopid fings rike wasps, preez doan send me to basement cat for poring poisin in mah bro’s earz.
Ceiling cat: you did WHUT now? In his earz??
Clawdius: Y everybody got problem with dat? Yaz, him flippin earz. N E way, blah blah blah, repent repent repent etc
Hamrit: (Hiding AGAIN): Ooo, I could moider him rite here but…o, here am a nice excuse to still do absolutery nuffing (cept hiding all the taim), he am repenting to ceiling cat, so him go to heavn and not to basement if him die rite naow. Yaz, dat saound plausible. [BRB]
Seen for (as in, what’s dis seen for?)
Polo-knees: Heh heh heh, I will hide in yr arras.
Hamrit: O hai
Gertrood: O hai
Hamrit: I can has revenge?
Gertrood: O halp!
Hamrit: Who you shout halp to? Am you has something up your arras?
[Hamrit fixes his laxxors and kung fu on the arras]
Polo-knees: Blargh I am ded
Gertrood: Zomg dude what you do??
Hamrit: What I do? What YOU do?! Yu has the buttsecks with yr bf’s bro, and has disco on the graiv of yr bf, and re-use the gushy fuds of him fooneral fr yr Yip yip hooray we am marrieds ding dong partay!
Daddy Hamrit: WoooOOOOoooOOOoo
Hamrit: Holy fuk, ghostie, yu cured mah hiccups wtf you gonna do for mah heart condition?
Daddy Hamrit: OMG dude, doan talk to me – she can’t see me! Dat coz she not crazy bonkers, but she will no dat you ARE!
Hamrit: (sotto voce) But I is onry pletend be clazy bonkers! Am not rearry!
Daddy Hamrit: O rly?
Hamrit: Ya rly
Daddy Hamrit: Den how come yu can see meeh? Ha, anwsr meeh dat!
Hamrit: Er. Ooh ya. Maybe I am mad. I guess we will neavah no.
Daddy: Wahtevs. Just be nice to her. I used to enjoy the buttsecks with her. She am a goer and I luv she.
Hamrit: Dude, like, do you have to?
Daddy Hamrit: Soz [BRB]
Gertrood: Who you talking to? Has gone crazy bonkers?
Hamrit: Dat not matter naow. I gotsta shift Polo-knees. Kbai [BRB, bundling Polo-knees into an shopping trolley and wheelin him off]
Scene 1, 2 , 3 & 4
Clawdius: ZOMG, you totally killed Polo-knees
Hamrit: Kbai [Going to Engrand, BRB]
Clawdius: Well dat was easy.
Scene 5,6 & 7
Awfulia: Tra la la. Bibbly bibbly boo. Here am a plant or sumfing.
All: FFS, not another one
Layertees: OI CLAWDIUS YU KILLD MAH FATHER PREPARE TO DIE BLUSTER BLUSTER
Clawdius: Ooh not me. Wuz Hamrit.
Layertees: DAT DAMN HAMRIT HIM KILLD MAH FATHER HE SHOULD PREPARE TO DIE SHOUT SHOUT
Clawdius: And him send your sis crazy-bonkers
Awfulia: Squirrels rowing gondolas, honey on a tree, Scooby Doo is in my leg, he lives in my knee do be do be do
Layertees: WTF DAT DAMN HAMRIT HIM SEND MAH SIS CRAZY BONKERS I GONNA CUT HIM UP REAL BAD LIKE I DID DEM NORWEGIANS OR WHATEVER DEM PEEPS WUZ I JUST CUT UP REAL BAD STOMP STOMP STOMP
Clawdius: Take an chill pill, ffs. I no, has an sord fite with Hamrit who has gone to Engrand and am never coming back as far as I no, although, what, prolly he’s sent sum seekrit messages or sumfing and evaded captur and what has you.
Clawdius: Pay tention, stopid. Yu has sord fite, but YOR sord will has the poisin onnit. Oo oo, AND we can has a CUP of poisin for hims to drink! Yaz!
Layertees: I NO YU COULD PORE POISIN IN HIM EARZ
Clawdius: Noes I has moved on from thehre. It am poisoned sords al the way now.
Layertees: EVEN THO AN SORD WOULD KILLS HIM N E WAY IF I STABBED HIM WITH IT?
Clawdius: Look, STFU, it not important.
Gertrood: Guess wot, peeps?
Layertees and Clawdius: Sup, mi bitch?
Gertrood: The good news is dat Awfulia am not mad N E moar
Layertees and Clawdius: Yay!
Gertrood: The bad news is dat dis is becoz she am dedder than acid music. She felled into sum water and drowned
Layertees: DROWNED? WHAR?
Gertrood: Srsly, dude, does it matter where? Yu am SO fukkin weird sumtimes
Layertees: I gonna see dis for mahself kbai [BRB]
Hamrit: O luk, Horatio, an OPEN GRAVE. I will get in it and make jokes about ded peeps, aren’t I FUNY??.
Horatio: lol @ ded peep jokes
[Enter fooneral procession]
Layertees: O WO IS MEEH MAH SIS AM DED ONOES
Hamrit: Onoes! Awfulia is ded!
Layertees: IT’S YOU!! YU KILLED MAH FATHER PREPARE TO DIE
Hamrit: Sry. It was an axident.
Layertees: WHATEVA, WE AM GONNA HAS A JEWEL
Hamrit: O how nice, is shiny?
Layertees: OOPS. I MEAN DUAL.
Hamrit: I fuxxin yu up with mah mad sord skills
Clawdius: Ya rly. The mad sord skills. Yu has them. Er…y not has a wain??
Hamrit: No fanx, no firsty.
Gertrood: Ooo I has firsty, thx
Layertees: OOPS I DROPT MAH SORD
Hamrit: Is ok we swaps.
Hamrit: Ha ha, gotcha!
Layertees: O FUK! DAT WAS THE POISINED SORD!
Hamrit: Dat was the what now?
Layertees: BLARGH I AM DED
Gertrood: ZOMG, I feel a bit funneh
Clawdius: er…tum tit um
Gertrood: Blargh, I ar ded too
Hamrit: FFS wud peeps PREEZ stop dying, is make it very hard to consintrate
Layertees: OOPS I FORGOT TO SAY BEFORE I DIED DAT I GOT YU WITH THE POISINED SORD AS WELL SO YU GONNA DIE TOO SOON. IS CLAWDIUS FOLT. [Dies]
Hamrit: O RLY??
Clawdius: Who, me?
[Hamrit pokes Clawdius with nasty sord (no no, not DAT nasty sord he he he) and make him drink wain.]
Clawdius: Blargh I am ded [Dies]
Hamrit: Ooh, me too. [Dies]
Horatio: FFS, who gonna clear up dis mess. O well. I guess I are King naow. Gimme dat crown. Sumone clear away dese bodies, and fetch me a near relative to marry. Hamrit was alrite but him spend too much time haiding.
All: Hooray for King Horatio!